The Sun Sign Guide For Writers

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So you want to be a writer, to see your name on the cover of a New York Times bestselling hardcover book and be invited to sit on Oprah’s couch and regale the world with your brilliance, but you just don’t know where to start. Don’t let that blank page get you down! Come with me and we’ll ask the stars to help you!*

Aries
Aries tend to live adventurous lives and enjoy the thrill of the hunt. Action adventure is the way to go for Aries. A fairly simple mystery complicated by the addition of heavy weaponry and possibly a hot scientist babe for the action hero to continually rescue. Or a hot scientist hunk for the action heroine to continually rescue. Hey, wouldn’t that be a twist?
Taurus
Stubborn Taurus likes to do things his own way. His science fiction novel will be in present tense, second person singular, chock full of cutting edge theories that you may not understand but you will read this book, and you will like it. Now eat your brussels sprouts.
Gemini
Change and freedom are extremely important to Gemini. I’d suggest erotic romances set in exotic locations around the world, locations the Twins will have to visit personally. I swear, this trip to Tahiti is research!
Cancer
The Crab tends to be shy, keeping his thoughts to himself unless pushed to reveal them. I’d recommend cozy mysteries, the kind where the victim has been murdered in a wacky way, and the detective lets a cat assist in the investigation. Either that, or a gruesome serial killer thriller. With a cat detective.
Leo
The Lion loves to be large and in charge. Urban fantasy is perfect for this sign. Sexy heroes hunting monsters who also happen to be pretty sexy. The Leo likes weapons, lots of weapons. And leather. And transportation with enough cylinders to let you know she’s coming a mile out. Wait, the world is ending! Only the leather-clad, knife-wielding woman on the Harley can save us all! (Hi Faith! *waves*)
Virgo
Virgos are logical and don’t tend to go waving their emotions around like a flag. The best bet for Virgo is nonfiction, probably a history of medical instruments from the Revolutionary War to today. No, really, it would be very exciting…in a calm, detached sort of way. Who needs all the histrionics of fiction anyway?
Libra
Libras are highly motivated by a sense of fairness, so the Libra writer should craft tales of talented but misunderstood young women who escape the injustices of lives as Victorian scullery maids only to find themselves living on the streets and suffering brutal torments until at last they become stars on the shining stages of the world’s theaters. Libras are happiest when surrounded by other people to take care of the drudge work. Find a partner who likes to do the actual writing.
Scorpio
Scorpios are dark, brooding and secretive, which indicates they should immerse themselves in creating dark, brooding and secretive stories of the twisted lines between blood magic, the missing skull of Pancho Villa, pineapple smuggling, the Denver airport and the truth behind the messages being broadcast from the Backward Music Station. The more complicated the better. Who cares if most readers can’t understand it?
Sagittarius
Flighty fun-loving Sagittarius is totally made to write frothy romances set in the Bahamas. Or Vermont. Ooh, and then Venezuela, because he hasn’t been there yet! This is going to be so much fun! Wait, what were we doing?
Capricorn
The Capricorn is organized and business-minded, so he’ll probably be happiest writing a thriller set in the heady world of high finance, one that’s just packed with intrigue and tips for the up-and-coming Wall Street star. What, you thought banking was dull? Here, let’s look at an actuarial table…it’s very exciting when you think about it.
Aquarius
Aquarians are free spirits who don’t function well under the normal strictures of society, so I’m thinking a young adult novel written all in netspeak. OMG, its teh best bk! U R gonna <3 it!
Pisces
The Fishes are gentle and creative, with sensitive spirits that are easily shattered. They believe in happy people achieving happy endings. It might be best to stick with children’s books, modernized fairy tales and rollicking tales of all the letters of the alphabet coming together as a team to help the world live in harmony. Everyone join hands now…we’re going to sing!

*These suggestions are, of course, merely for entertainment purposes. 😀

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15 comments to The Sun Sign Guide For Writers

  • Young_Writer

    I’m organized and buisness minded… If only you saw my locker. =)

  • Beatriz

    Please to be not making me write in netspeak. I prefer LOLspeak, kthanxbye.

  • So Libra’s should find someone who likes to write, huh? So Misty… whatcha up to? *grin*

  • Hepseba ALHH

    Is THAT why my story’s about a secretive dark queen? Now to just add another minion’s back-story to explain the fate of those slavers…

  • HA! Loved this! I’m a Capricorn, so organized and business-minded actually works. In my day job! LOL. Unfortunately actuarial tables really doesn’t make a very interesting story. Now excel spreadsheets with endless amount of data and complicated formulas…ooh, that’s hot!

  • Y’all just sent me into a flurry of giggles…me, the secretive, brooding Scorpio. Oh wait, I get it – making me laugh was all part of your insidious conspiracy, huh? 😀

  • Ryl

    Tahiti, huh? Let me pack a bag for my and my sweetie —

  • Hmm. Tahiti. Tempting. 😀

  • I’ve been trying to think how on earth to respond to the assertion that we Leos like to be “large and in charge,” but I can’t do it. 😉

  • Well, if it weren’t for the part about romances, I’d say the Saggitarius one was right on. 😐

  • Tom G

    I am an old goat, and I can’t even balance my checkbook. Well, I can, but for some reason my bills are greater than the amount that I put in my checking account. Very uncapricornish, I might add. I might get kicked out of the zodiac.

  • Misty, I laughed beer through my nose. (I got home to read it at 10:30 p.m, for those of you who might otherwise think I am drinking before 5…) And — Jane Yellowrock is a Leo too! Cool brussells sprouts.

    AJ! Leo’s unite! You can have west of the Mississippi. I’ll take the Eastern US. How’s that?

  • Faith,
    AJ lives east of the mississippi too so you might have to share! Can leos manage that?

    This one is kind of strange, because Aries fits our writing, but I’m Scorpio and he’s Taurus. I’m very close to the cusp with Sagittarius so I think that might influence my Scorpio a bit. Our main character is Sagittarius and it fits her very well.

  • Leos do not share. (nose in air. laughing) Each of us believe the *Leo Maxim*: I own the world. It is mine. (laughing harder)

  • […] Sun Signs for Writers – Ok, this is mostly humor, but I figure if I laughed, you might, too. […]