Party Talk: So You’re A Villain…

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BigBad2A little over two weeks until The Big Bad II launches into the world!  What?  You haven’t heard?  The Big Bad II is the second volume of creepy, awesome stories in which the villains are the focus.  Edited by  John Hartness and Emily Leverett, The Big Bad II includes stories by some of the best in the business.  And now you can preorder your very own copy – follow this link!

I gathered some of those very fine authors together for a little party talk here on Magical Words today.  The question is:

Kazam! Suddenly you’ve been zapped into a book, as the villain! What sort of villain are you, and what’s your first order of business?

Eden Royce: I’d be the reclusive, mysterious villain. Once my plan went into action, heroes would wonder who did it. Best not to be flamboyant about your plans or strategy. You can get foiled that way.
First order of business? Bring back every discontinued flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in their graveyard. Muah hahahaha!

Edmund Schubert: My first order of business is to memorize the entire list of rules from the Evil Overlord List. Next, I hire a body-double. I’ll pay through the nose for it, but it will be totally worth it to have a stand-in when the heroes come looking for someone to beat up (they’re such violent brutes, those heroes). Lastly, we have weekly mandatory public screenings of the movie Mega-Mind. I want people to understand that just because I’m ruling them with an iron fist does not mean I’m not a nice guy!

Nicole Givens Kurtz: I’m a villain that believes she is doing the right thing for the betterment of her people, as such, I am an assassin! My first order of business is to murder those that stand in the way of what I want to happen. It matters little to me about their families, friends, or political alignments other than how it affects the outcome.

David B Coe: I’m the kind of villain you don’t want to screw around with. I’m cruel and calculating and the first thing I do (after killing off any of my enemies who might move against me) is find the magic I need to make myself immortal and unassailable. Because that’s what you do when you’re a kick-ass villain who no one wants to screw around with.

Gail Martin: I would want to be a villain with a good wardrobe and an address in the Cayman Islands. (Since that’s where all villains seem to have their incorporation.) So—go shopping and relocate!

Misty Massey: I’d prefer to be the villain nobody realizes is the bad guy.  Until it’s too late.  For example, I’d be the stylishly dressed woman in dark glasses who’s always seen at the shoulder of some banana republic dictator.  No one would know my name or what I really looked like (glasses, big hat and all).  Then when the people rose up and overthrew the dictator in a bloody coup, I’d disappear, al0ng with the treasury.  Where would I go?  I can’t tell you that, silly goose.  I’m bad, after all.

Matthew Saunders: I’d probably be the kind of villain who’s just tired of following the rules. I think I’d go to some tropical location and figure out a way to relieve rich people of their valuables.

Selah Janel: See, I feel like first it would be good to get a hold of the world and figure out the best type of villain I could be. Then, I’d take on more ambitious projects. I feel like while I love writing vampires and really manipulative villains with issues, I’d prefer to be someone who’s a little more chaotic for chaotic’s state. I’ve always liked older faerie stories because of that sort of line of thinking, and I think they’re a little more all-type friendly than something like a vampire, that has a very specific type of popular image for females. I’d rather be something that didn’t have that kind of pressure or specific imagery where it could obviously be figured out if people looked closely enough. I wouldn’t mind being one of those pixies that hang out in the forest and mislead travelers for entertainment, seduce one or two, then shank them with a wand or a tree branch or something, steal their wallets, and go off to the nearest Dairy Queen or something for a sundae. I can always work my way up from there.

Sarah Adams: Can I be Maleficent? I want to turn into a dragon, lay waste around me with green fire, and taunt the perfectly coiffed hero. Wait, what do you mean she’s not a book character? I’m pretty sure I had a picture book of that movie as a kid. But seriously, if I were the villain I’d be the one who knows she’s right and everyone else needs to SHUT UP and DO AS THEY’RE TOLD because I know what is RIGHT. I wouldn’t torture anyone – goodness, no. That would be evil. But not to long after I got to power, other people who didn’t shut up and do as they were told would be getting run over with tanks. And when the rag tag band of heroes finally took me down, I’d be sure that I was the good guy and everyone else was just too stupid or evil to realize how much good I had done them.

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6 comments to Party Talk: So You’re A Villain…

  • I’m the editor. Doesn’t get much more evil than that, does it? 🙂

  • Points up at John’s post. He’s the NICE editor. 😀

    Aside for being an editor, if I were going to be a villain, I’d be one that had been a hero for a while–probably quite a while–and got S#*t full of losing or of people I helped being hateful twerps. “You saved me, but you didn’t save my latte!!!!” Oh, no. No big speeches. No announcements of impending doom. Just doom. Period. Not even necessarily painful doom. No need for folks to suffer (except anyone who utters the phrase “why don’t we form a committee…”)

  • Except if you started offing the people who form committees and schedule meetings you’d become a folk hero.

  • Do meeting organizers count in the list of people you’re doing away with? I’m so sick of attending meetings that last for hours when the information could have been shared in one well-written email.

  • Razziecat

    These are great. I could really get behind the one that ends up going to Dairy Queen.

    And this brings up the question: Why don’t I have any minions? 🙁

  • I’m with Misty. I love the bad guy to be the one you least expect. Or the one who’s so hard to capture even when they’re standing in front of you! Oh Carmen Sandiago!!! Oh and Sarah, Maleficent is cool too. I am she gets to be a dragon, like duh.