Top Ten Reasons to be Writer
- The little voices in your head keep you awake every night unless you let them out to play.
- You wake up every night with new ideas and rush to the bathroom (where you turn on the nightlight, sit on the toilet and write until the idea is safe for daylight and won’t be lost in dreams. Because that happens all the time, gosh-darn it.)
- You love the stories in your head as much as (more than?) you love chocolate.
- You are a masochist. You have a great desire to be sliced with sharp objects, like rejection letters. Them paper cuts hurt.
- You have thick skin, like an elephant, or are willing to grow one. (see number 4 above)
- Writing a good scene feels better than ___________ (you fill in the blank).
- You give up time with friends/family/pets to write, and count it as time well spent.
- You know that showing your novel to someone the first time will feel like jumping off a cliff. And you still want to do it.
- Your characters are more real to you than anyone else you know.
- You know that writing is a job, just like any other job, and that you have to work at it, and will probably get kicked in the teeth over and over, and may never make a fortune or even a good living, and yet you are willing to sit down and write every day anyway.
Top Ten Reasons Not to be a Writer
- The little voices in your head are real voices and not even the tinfoil rabbit ears you have mounted on your hat make them stop.
- Sitting at the desk and turning on the PC (or whatever way you write) makes you so sick to your stomach that you invested in Pepto-Bismol.
- You have decided to write a book to get rich. (rolls eyes)
- You have decided to write a book because you think it’s easier than getting a real job.
- You believe you are the best writer in the world and have written the next Harry Potter or Great American Novel or Fifty Shades of Gray, and will hear no words of suggested changes.
- You know just who should play your characters in the movie, and have started a letter-writing campaign to get them on board. Before you start the novel.
- You bought a cravat and cane and have grown a Fu Manchu (if you are a guy or woman who has the necessary facial hair) or you have bought the red-carpet-worthy shoes and dress, which you admire in the mirror, imagining what you will say in the acceptance speech for your first award. And you still haven’t started the novel.
- You will get started on your novel as soon as the kids start pre-school, or you get a better job that lets you work less hours, or you get the car paid off so you can work less, or ______ (you fill in the blank).
- The skeletons in your closet are real, and you put them there, hanging them with sliver wire.
- Okay – your turn. Why should someone not become a writer?
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