A Weather Enforced Break


Faith has lost internet connectivity due to some storms in her area and probably won’t be able to post today. Our apologies to all of our readers.

In the mean time, here’s the homework I recently turned in to my oldest daughter’s high school teacher. What’s that, you say? Homework for the parents? Yes, indeed. The HS English teacher gave us homework (over the Thanksgiving break, no less) to write up a list of ten things/traits/characteristics we wanted to see in a potential future mate for our daughter. It ties in (somehow) to Romeo and Juliet, which they are currently studying. Below is my list. (That will each her to give ME homework…):


Ms. Kile,  

We sent in the sanitized version of our list with Katrina the other day because we did not want to embarrass her. However, below is the ‘real’ list my wife and I came up with:  

  • self-employed – his own meth lab and at least two full-time employees
  • a facial mole with one hair (at least two inches long) growing out of it
  • just enough of a gap between his front teeth to open a beer bottle
  • life-time membership to the Klan
  • at least as much hair on his back as on top of his head
  • first wife was related by blood, but no closer than first cousin
  • no criminal conviction after death of first wife
  • knows when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em – professional gambler to supplement income
  • will make sure that all of our grandbabies have at least two first names (Billy Bob, etc.)
  • real rabbit ears for a TV antenna – no cheap wire hanger substitutes
  • his moonshine still in the woods meets all OSHA and other applicable Federal safety guidelines
  • likes animals 

I know that there is 13 items and not 10 like you asked for, but we consider all of these items to be important and refuse to compremise on any of them.


Edmund R. Schubert


5 comments to A Weather Enforced Break

  • You’re an evil man. Does your daughter know that you posted this? My list would have been pretty different. Things like “Independently wealthy” and “Owns property in Cancun with plenty of room for visiting grandparents willing to babysit…” Stuff like that.

  • Why, Edmund! Such high standards you have!

    Thanks for the laugh. 😀

  • Oh, dear. See what happens when mother nature and the cable company get together and create an evil spell to keep me offline? Teh cable-mage has left for the night and I do have Internet access for now, but that will be gone in the morning when the cable repairs-which-became-an-upgrade continues.

    Though I have no children, I totaly approve of the list, Edmund, though as a born and bred Southerner, I might add, Has his own doublewide, two-story, log-cabin mobile home, with a nice looking and not too moldy sofa on the front porch. For sittin’ and watchin’ traffic after dinner. 🙂

    I’ll be offline again tomorrow but will be back on tomorrow night. Cable mage willing…

  • Sarah

    Love it! That teacher was just begging for a snarky response with an assignment like that. I’d love to know how this will enhance the teaching of Romeo and Juliet in her class. Possibly an assessment of Juliet’s standards for a spouse versus Lord Capulet’s?

  • Razziecat

    After reading the first 12, somehow that last one – “likes animals” – is the scariest.